Created: Sunday, 30 November 2003 Written by Frank BluesAt last the new technology of genetic engineering has achieved the breakthrough we have all been waiting for; they have crossed the coca plant with the opium poppy! That's right! The Boffins from the Xenox Research Institute have finally used the new technology of genetic modification to create a plant that will not only benefit mankind but also keep the tree hugging losers of the green movement happy. They have genetically enhanced the opium poppy so that it produces a cocaine spiked opium paste and thus have enabled the production of a form of crack laced opium.
At fucking last! Those eggheads at the Xenox Research Institute in the highlands of New Guinea have fulfilled every recreational drug users dream. They have created a form of opium that gives you the pleasure of cocaine but with the long lasting power of opium!
We spoke to the head of the Institute, Professor Williams. First we asked the Professor whether he was worried about the public backlash against genetically modified plant stuffs:
"Well unlike other companies we actually researched the market we are aiming this product at and asked them what they really wanted from their recreational drug use. And the answer we got back was loud and clear: make it as pleasant as crack but with the long lasting effect of opium."
And the market that would want this fantastic new addition to our recreational pleasure?
"It's huge. I mean, once we made it we had people queuing up outside the front door to test it."
So at last genetic technology has been put to a use that we all want. And what's next from the geniuses of the Xenox Institute? Well Prof Williams tells us they are developing a way of embedding the erection maintaining abilities of Viagra into the plant.
"Stiff. Stoned. And fucking flying. Who could hope for anything more?" said the Prof.
And as I lit up the pipe to try some of this opiate of the masses I have to agree!
Flame on Xenox New readers!