Election 2016 – Malcolm Muffs It!

Tuesday, 05 July 2016 By Max Gross


The 2016 federal election is over but counting continues in drip-feed fashion as the nation teeters on a rusty razor's edge and voters yawn, roll over and go back to watching My Kitchen Rules.

At the time of writing, the count has LNP at 68 seats confirmed, the ALP 67, and 10 undecided with mere decimal points to make the call one way or the other.

The magic number is 76. Whichever party reaches it gets to squeeze the rubber chicken for the next three years.

The final outcome may not be known for days. Or weeks!

But one thing is blazingly obvious: Turnbull has muffed it.

Only a cynical, contemptuous ratbag would inflict a 56 days election campaign on voters who just want responsible government, properly funded schools and hospitals, and an end to the farmyard confetti that passes for political dialogue in Australia.

That flaky ratbag was Malcolm Turnbull PM, who achieved his life's ambition to be prime minister by overthrowing former LIEbral leader Tony Abbott PM, the most reckless, ill-suited, cack-handed prime minister since Billy McMahon.

Turnbull has been PM for just nine abysmal months. 

His excuse for dissolving both Houses of Parliament and forcing a Double Dissolution election ahead of time was supposedly because the Senate, not under his government's control like the House of Representatives, had refused to pass legislation to reinstate the discredited, politically compromised Australian Building and Construction Commission (ABCC).

So "critical" and "vital" was that stalled legislation that in 56 days it barely rated a mention as part of The Plan (You know, that blue coloured pamphlet Turnbull and his rabble waved around like footy pennants).

Ironically, even if Turnbull scrapes in to form government, the ABCC legislation will remain discarded in a dark corner somewhere, gathering dust, with no prospect of seeing the light of day as law.

The nationwide swing against the LNP government is around 4% with the Senate bound to be even more independent than before.


Ah, yes, Malcolm Turnbull, the "Great Communicator", whose flawed judgement continues to expose his essentially self-centred, pretentious character, something our bigoted Attorney-General George Bookshelf calls PM-material.

On election night, just after polls had closed, I tuned in to ABCTV's coverage of the count, took one look at Scott Morrison sitting there alongside Leigh Sales and switched off.

After two months of hearing utter shite from both the ABC's carping, whining current affairs anchor and the LIEbral's smug thug Treasurer, I reckoned I had earned a break.

As the hours crawled by I occasionally checked on incoming results, dreading the triumphal resurgence of shiny shyster Turnbull as prime minister as predicted by all the usual biased news polls and Murdoch's MSM whores.

It never happened.

The numbers remain deadlocked, with the prospect of either a so-called hung parliament, a minority LNP or ALP government or... another feckin' federal election!

But there stood Malcolm, like a drunk circus ringmaster in flyblown top hat and tails, red faced, toothsome and – with increasing bluster – proclaiming certain victory... eventually.

The Great Communicator? All piss and wind!

He even brazenly lied about his intention for prompting a Double Dissolution election, denying he had hoped to rid himself of an independent Senate.

To make doubly certain (Pun intended) he even had the voting rules altered to make it more difficult for minority candidates to acquire preferential votes and become Senators-by-default.

And today he pontificated about his “sincere belief” in a "strong economy", ignoring he fact that in less than three years he and Abbott have increased debt to levels far worse than the purported "disaster" of the Rudd/Gillard/Rudd government, which faced a far more hostile Senate and even coped with the Global Financial Crisis!

Ah, the LIEbrals, always guaranteed to lie, lie about lying, then lie louder.

Promise anything, guarantee nothing, right Mal?

So, anyway, here's a little good and bad news.

The good?

After 40 years as a LIEbral stronghold, the electorate of Eden-Monaro where I presently reside as an in-mate here on the New Sloth Wales Far-out South Coast, was stormed and won by the Labor party.

The bad?

After 18 years festering in a Far North sewerage pit, guess who has emerged like a blood-crazed zombie with a grip on a possible 2 senate seats? That horrible screeching nut bag Praline Hanson!

Nice work, Mal! You have single-handedly given back the raving redhead a parliamentary platform for her dangerously racist hate-speak which, as the Race Discrimination Commissioner warns, could very well prompt violence in our otherwise benign multicultural society.

Was that in "The Plan", you stupid feckin' arse-hat?

[Now, here's a thought. Tony Abbott's role in funnelling slush money in a secret campaign to have Hanson convicted of electoral fraud has yet to be fully explored. Hmm? [Google it!]

Turnbull had hoped to pull what we Aussies call a swifty with a historically long and arduous 8 week election campaign that would return him to office in his own right, rather than as another prime minister who only got the job by toppling the leader of his own party.

The Plan was to inflict a campaign of such endlessly grinding banality and nail-scraping irritation that voters would vote the LNP back in just to get the vacuous farce over with.

During that time I saw grown men weeping in the street with both fingers jammed in their ears, women of calibre staggering about bleeding from the ears, and dogs of every breed and mongrel parentage dropping from the sky in a rain of barking, biting idiocy.

Without a single clear policy apart from making the weak and poor pay for further entrenchment of the powerful and wealthy, Malcolm Turnbull and his divided rabble had just one three-word-slogan with which to bludgeon anyone daring question their "Plan": jobs and growth, jobs and growth, jobs and growth, gobs and ropes, knobs and gropes, mobs and dopes, robs and fuuuuck!

One thing is for sure, having shut down Australia's motor vehicle manufacturing industry, crippled the steel industry, choked the NDIS, scrapped Gonski and sabotaged the National Broadband Network, it's no great secret – despite their disingenuous protestations – that the LIEbrals, under Turnbull or whoever stabs him in the back to take his place, will destroy the system
of universal healthcare that Aussies enjoy under Medicare.

To see those shameless, hypocritical LNP liars accuse Labor of a "scare campaign" is beyond credulity.

George Brandis, initially fluffing his opening lines, gave a brief presser to condemn Labor's "extraordinary mendacity"?

Really, George?

Spare a penny for a $100 lamb roast?

How about that budget emergency, economic crisis and debt and deficit disaster that the bigoted Attorney-General and his LNP colleagues screamed about throughout the six Rudd/Gillard/Rudd years but which miraculously morphed into "an economy in transition", nothing-to-see-here-move-along shrug of the shoulders the moment the LNP swindled their way back into government less than three years ago?

Like the NBN sabotaged by Turnbull - something the mainstream media has neglected as an issue leaving it to social media to expose, Medicare was a Labor innovation, and that, darling children, is precisely why the LIEbrals loathe it.

Labor leader Bill Shorten usually puts me into a glassy-eyed stupor when he speaks but on this issue he is absolutely correct: the LNP WILL privatise Medicare if they get the opportunity.

Just last month, new economic research by the Australia Institute exposed the Abbott/Turnbull government as the worst of any Aussie government since 1949 when Pig-Iron Bob, founder of the LIEbral corporation, seized power.

Add that to the fact that John Howard's reign squandered the nation's mining boom profits and was, according to the World Bank and IMF, the most wasteful, financially irresponsible government in Australian history, and then try figuring how the feckers have managed to form government twice as often federally as the Labor party.

Hmm. I always wondered why Turdball discarded the LIEbral party logo for one of his own for this campaign.

Now I think I know the reason why!

Meanwhile, as we breathe, way over yonder in buggered, dysfunctional, "free and democratic" Iraq, more than 200 people were killed, blown to shreds, and hundreds more injured in suicide attacks by Islamic extremists, a legacy of LIEbral PM Howard who, 13 years ago, made the unilateral decision to support the unilateral decision of the dopey POTUS George W. Bush, to kill dictator Saddam Hussein, a former U.S. protege in the Middle East.


And by destroying Saddam they opened the gate for Al Qaeda in Iraq and then... Islamic State.

Far from free, ordinary Iraqis remain, as one distraught Baghdad resident described it among the latest ruins, "sheep among wolves".

And with the Chilcott report in the Disunited Kingdom about to be made public after a seven year investigation, I expect to see ex-PM Tony Bliar called before the International Criminal Court for HIS complicity in US war crimes in Iraq.

So, anyhoo, back in carefree, careless Australia, Malcolm Turncoat's tarnished gloss has cracked, the threadbare bag of LNP tricks is full of holes spilling crap all over the shop, and Parliament remains chock full of frauds, grifters and nutters living off the public purse, parroting their party script, and nodding off on the back bench while posing as representatives of those who voted them in.

Ah, those dim-witted, numb-nutted, puddin'-headed swinging voters who don't know who to vote for until they wander into a polling booth with a fistfgul of pamphlets shoved down their throats.

And lurking in the shadows squats that ignominious lout Tony Abbott, stroking his fat, rigid... ego, and salivating at the deluded prospect of regaining his shit-stained crown of gory and, who knows, an eventual knighthood from Madge herself! 

The spine-tingling chime of blades being sharpened echoes throughout our wide, brown land.

Ah yes, it is an exciting time for another well-hung parliament

This was Max Gross jobbing and growing, lobbing and throwing, to-ing and fro-ing, for xenoxnews.com, Australia's only fair dinkum news, views and abuse...

And good luck with that!

Offend-o-Meter: 5 / 5

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