Created: Tuesday, 30 November 2004 Written by Den1
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Religious party and senate seat holder Family First have announced their intentions to ban all nudity in Australia with threats to jail any person found sitting on the toilet without any pants on.

Spokesperson for Family First and leading community official Ted Quilby says the law will be one of many the party will introduce in the senate putting the nation on notice for its immoral past. "We plan on outlawing all things decadent" said a stern faced Quilby "including underpants".

The party's plan to enlighten the country has received an enthusiastic response from the coalition government with Prime Minister John Howard finding the ideas very appealing.

"I've already stopped wearing underpants" admitted Howard mentioning that he'd recently reverted to the old style "long johns".

"There quite comfortable and my wife Janette has been so impressed by how smart they look that she plans to start wearing them at official functions".

The thought of Mrs Howard greeting foreign dignitaries wearing only a pair of "long johns" has been met with scepticism from many circles but other Liberal MP's are set to follow the fashion conscious Janette's brave lead.

"I think they look great" said Amanda Vanstone who witnessed Mrs Howard wearing the garment when hosting a tea party. "I've started wearing them when I go to the shops" she said.

Family First are hoping that the rest of the country will follow the Howard's lead and are now looking to the nations sporting celebrities to set an example.

"We'd like to see maybe a game of rugby league with all players getting around the field wearing "long johns" said an excited Quilby.

"Imagine the sight of Ian Thorpe receiving olympic gold while wearing nothing but a drenched pair of "longies" he said.

Other Family First initiatives are to reintroduce the traditional Sunday afternoon stoning and "to make all poofs migrate to China"