Is the AUKUS gunna get Raucous in the South China Sea?
Tough Guy Aussie PM Scott Morrison joined with the other two leaders of the Free World, UK PM Boris Johnson and US President Joe Biden, in announcing a new Alliance against Tyranny today. As part of it, ScoMo is gunna buy Australia some Nuclear Submarines...
"Hi diddly di! The Sailor's life for me..."
Many have asked what Australia can do against the rising menace of China. Us Aussies are particularly at risk given that China is just a shipload away, and we sell them anything we can dig out of our brown barren land. It seems that Aussie PM Morrison has also been thinking about this, and so he has joined the top-notch World leaders PM Boris Johnson and President Joe Biden in another Military Alliance of White Men. And to back up his big talk, ScoMo has gone out and bought their Nuclear Submarines to save us from this new Yellowy-Red Peril.
They say some things never change...
These new Submarines are powerful weapons of war. And with their nuclear power they could sail all the way under Antarctica without even having to come up for a breather! They also pack a powerful punch, with enough torpedoes to sink the Bismark. Aussie Defence Minister Peter ‘Spud’ Dutton was especially excited:
“The Chinese will be quaking like their soft-boiled noodles when they see our new Subs light up!”
Artisit rendition of Chinese Man thinking about Australian Submarines.
Australia’s numerous Defence Specialists could also hardly contain their excitement, with many praising the Morrison Government on their decision. The Head of China Studies at the Australian Strategic Policy Institute, Little Nathan, enthused that “Shit, we are gunna get so much more funding from this AUKUS stuff … I don’t know what the fuck we will be spending it on.” Others were happy that all their China bed-wetting had paid off, and they would for sure get more money for pumping out their nonsense from their coveted tenured University Think Tank positions.
Yanks doing what they do best. Bringing 'Freedom'
There were some words of caution though, Dr Yung Jin Here from ANU said that “There was a distinct lack of diversity in this announcement. I mean the flags were only red, white, and blue! How is that going to sit with our Northern neighbors of Ladyboys and Brown men?”
Aussies have bought their freedom to Afghanistan. Can they also bring it to Xinjiang?
Interestingly some of these new subs will be housed at the US Harold E. Holt base at the North West Cape. This is actually quite funny, because the last time former Aussie PM Harold Holt was seen he was climbing into a Chinese submarine…
The new Submarine Dock at the Harold E Holt Base, North West Cape, Australia.
Red China spokesman Wing Chung Bung however was non-plussed: "After all the hullabaloo the question remains, can an Aussie even drive a Nuclear Submarine?"