Created: Saturday, 03 August 2002 Written by Correspondent
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It now seems certain that the civilized nations of the world are facing a crisis. A crisis of such magnitude that our entire financial security is at risk.
The problem? Not enough babies! This demographic time bomb will, if left unchecked, blow us all sky high. In the great nations of the world, those in Europe, North America, Japan and Australia; the birth rate is plummeting while the numbers of elderly is climbing. This means that there will not be enough people working to support all those old farts in retirement.

Governments of these countries are desperately trying to work out why this is happening. But the reason is obvious. It's too much work for today's young go-getters to raise the squealing brats. They are all working long hours, partying all night, and living with mum! There's no time to clean juniors smelly arse!

So what can be done?

Well firstly immigration is definitely not the answer. The gene pools that created our glorious Western civilization must be protected from the inferiorities of the rest of the planet. And besides, as the last election clearly showed, Mr&Miss Shit4Brains do not want anyone not of their colour next door on Struggle St.

We need to look beyond the nuclear family for a solution. In fact we need a radical re-assessment of what the family is and does. Lets face it; the traditional family is an old concept, well past its use by date. It is really a left over from the welfare state mentality that has been crushing our entrepreneurial spirit. It needs a new vision! And it certainly needs some form of competition to re-vitalise it and make the concept attractive to the young capitalists of today. What it needs is privatization.

So how we gunna do this?

Well firstly it is clear to see that the current method of baby creation has definite drawbacks. While the initiation of the process is certainly enjoyable, the gestation period is unwieldy, and an inconvenience for 50% of the production team. Luckily advances in reproductive technology offer a solution to this. Firstly a brainless incubation unit could be developed.

All it has to do is grow the thing!

And they could be setup in a special privately run facility where multiple units could be cooking away. Hook 'em up to a drip with the necessary nutrients and voila the babies will be made!
The genetic makeup of the child can be designed to whatever the customer, sorry, parent wants! Imagine the advantage of choosing your child genes!
This is what John Adams was all about!

In fact developments are being made now so that you could use only your genetic code to create the infant.

It's sensational!

Now we all know cooking up the child is one thing, looking after it is another. Well how about genetically designing a servant class, or using existing 3rd world populations to look after them? There could be a range of companies ready to provide this service ensuring that the careful hand of the market would be there to guide us.
All this needs is for us to take that small step out of the philosophic dark ages we are in now. For too long the self-appointed moral guardians of our society have kept us backward. Since when did the fucking Catholic Church have anything relevant to say? They are run by an atrophied testicled old cunt who can't piss without getting it all over the floor! No, they have nothing worthwhile to add to this debate and should be ignored. Same with all those other hillbilly born again Christian morons.

Remember, we are just a bridge on the way to the superman!

So join me on my revolution to save Western civilization!
And remember I've got this patented.

Tom Titmouse