Official statement from XenoxNews.com chief Tex Lumbago:
‘Poor old Rupert, besides being married to a Chinese harpy and having children with brains the size of peas, is now going to hell and back trying to keep his beloved UK Tabloid ‘The Sun’ intact. Like all good newspapermen, I have a soft spot for this Pommy rag. After all it gave us classic headlines like ‘Bomb the Argies’, ‘Put Britain under Margaret’s Thatch Roof!’, and the classic ‘It was The Sun wot won it’. And who can forget that journalistic innovation; the Page 3 girl.
But it seems that The Sun’s wicked ways have finally caught up with it. Dear old Rupe now faces a choice, keep supporting this misbegotten rag and face possible criminal investigations in the US, or sell it immeadiately and get out while he can. Rupert I’m here to tell you that you should take the last option; and pass this fish&chip wrapper on to someone who cares about it. And I can assure you that with XenoxNews.com you’ll find no one who cares better. We can climb aboard this old tart and stir her back to life and on to a bigger and brighter future.
Our price? One Aussie Dollar.
Rupe, in your heart you know you won’t get a better deal. Only XenoxNews.com can rebuild your rag into something befitting its former glories. We have the Page 3 girls. We have the disheveled and drunken journos. We will put ‘The Sun’ back up where she belongs…
Shining out her owners arse!'