Created: Wednesday, 10 May 2006 Written by Stiffed ReporterAustralia's masturbators are fuming today after Treasure Costello's 11th budget failed to deliver any goodies for them.
Despite handing out bucket loads of cash to every other important constituency, Costello failed to honor an election pledge to wipe off the GST on tissues so those who wipe themselves off could do it cheaper.
“I'm fucking furious, and so is every Aussie wanker," said AMA (Australian Masturbators Association) President Tony Delonzo,
"Costello knows that the growth of the Internet has fueled an enormous increase in wanking and what has he done to help those that help themselves? Sweet Fuck All!"
Aussie dick pullers furious: "I use heaps of them!"
In a desperate bid to stop the wankers voting for the then Labour leader Mark Latham at the last election, Treasure Costello told the AMA that he would reduce the cost of tissues.
“I sympathise with your dilemma," said Australia’s second greatest Treasure, “and I’ll do everything in my power to make things cheaper and easier for you.”
One dick puller told Xenox News he was shocked. Said Tex L:
“I knew that this government had told a few porkies in it’s time but this tops the lot of them. Forget about kids overboard, AWB scandal, or WMDs in Iraq, if you can’t tell the truth about masturbation when can you tell the truth???”
Others are wondering what they will do now they have to continue spending more on their tissues:
"If tissues were cheaper I'd buy 2 boxes instead of one and would be able to clean up my mess more efficiently," said the dick twanger. "The missus wouldn’t have to complain about her hands getting stuck on the keyboard anymore."
We tried to contact Treasurer Costello for comment but was told he was busy in the office at the moment and couldn’t be disturbed.