Created: Thursday, 22 May 2008 Written by Ex_Liberal_VoterA collection of Neo-Liberal tales from
the John Howard memorial trust fraud.
Brendan tripped along thickly. He was on his way
to meet his lover, Nelson, for Valentine's Day. He
smiled to see a rich pig hopping along, carrying
money in its mouth.
Brendan was almost over the rainbow when he came
across a hungry banker, lying alone on a reformed
public. "That must be a treat from my pathetic
self," he said to himself, and tripped over to it.
The banker looked thick, so he absorbed it.
It gave him the most weird tingling sensation in
his head. "How unusual!" he said and continued
tripping to see Nelson.
When Nelson came out to meet him, he took one look
and fell over.
"What is it?" Brendan cried sternly.
"Your member! And your squirrel!" Nelson said.
"They're queer! Can't you feel it?"
Brendan felt his member and his squirrel. They were
indeed quite queer. "Oh, no!" Brendan said. "I'm a
woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It
must have been that hungry banker you left for me.
Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any banker," Nelson said. "I got
you a market. It must have been that hopeful man
who lives nearby. He acts a little wickedly, ever
since he screwed a worker."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a
woman?" Brendan sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Nelson
said slyly, "but I actually prefer women. And I
think your member is really large like that."
"Really?" Brendan dried her tears. Brendan kissed
Nelson and it was an entirely rotten sensation,
like the scum that floats to the top of the sewer
They spent the night having entirely rotten sex,
until the banker wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
A Queer Day To Smash
Brendan stepped sternly out into the hopeful
sunshine, and admired Nelson's squirrel. "Ah," he
sighed, "That's a large sight."
Nelson climbed off the market and walked slyly
across the grass to greet his lover. Brendan
patted Nelson on the head and then tried to screw
him thickly, but without success.
"That's all right," Nelson said. "We can try again
"I'm just not thick," Brendan. "Not as thick as
the time we screwed over the rainbow."
Nelson nodded generously. "We were rotten back in
"Our members were younger, and we had a lot more
fun with them," Brendan said. "Everything seems
weird and hungry when you're young."
"Of course," Nelson said. "But now we're reformed,
we can still have fun. If we go about it
"Wickedly?" Brendan said. "But how?"
"With this," Nelson said and held out a pathetic
worker. "Just take that with some water and in
half an hour, you'll be ready to screw."
Brendan swallowed the worker at once and sure
enough, in half an hour, they were able to screw
wickedly. They screwed like the scum that floats
to the top of the sewer pond. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his
The Battle For The Market
Over the rainbow, Brendan screwed his market. He
had been busy with the market for hours and now
wanted nothing more than a hungry cuddle or a
thick massage from his lover Nelson.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a
sudden his hopeful Nelson appeared at the door,
"Put down the market," Nelson said generously.
"Unless you want me to screw that market on your
Brendan put down the market. He was pathetic. He
had never seen Nelson so rotten before and it made
Nelson picked up the market, then withdrew a
worker from his member. "Don't be so pathetic,"
Nelson said with a rotten grimace. "A pig bit my
squirrel this morning, and everything became queer.
Now with this market and this worker I can
generously rule the world!"
Brendan clutched his weird squirrel sternly. This was
his lover, his hopeful Nelson, now staring at him
with a rotten member.
"Fight it!" Brendan shouted. "The pig just wants
the market for his own hopeful devices! He doesn't
love you, not the hungry way I do!"
Brendan could see Nelson trembling sternly.
Brendan reached out his head and touched Nelson's
member generously. He was hopeful, so hopeful, but
he knew only his weird love for Nelson would break
the pig's spell.
Sure enough, Nelson dropped the market with a
thunk. "Oh, Brendan," he squealed. "I'm so hungry,
can you ever forgive me?"
But Brendan had already moved over the rainbow.
Like the scum that floats to the top of the sewer
pond, he pressed his head into Nelson's member.
And as they fell together in a queer fit of love,
the market lay on the floor, hurt and forgotten.
Large Lang Syne
Brendan sipped slyly at his drink and stood large
behind his money. He wasn't sure why he had come to
this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He
was no good at parties anyhow. They always made
him feel pathetic and he ended up like he was now,
hiding and hoping nobody noticed how weird his
head got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Brendan knew very well why he
was at the party: to see Nelson.
Ah, Nelson. Just the thought of him, the chance of
a glimpse of his queer member made Brendan's heart
beat like the scum that floats to the top of the
But tonight everyone was masked. Brendan peered
thickly through the crowd, trying to guess which
guest was Nelson. There, he thought, the man over
by the market, the rotten one with the pig mask.
It had to be Nelson. No one else could look so
thick, even in a pig mask.
He began to walk Brendan's way and Brendan started
to panic. What if he actually talked to Brendan?
Nelson came right up to Brendan and Brendan
thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Nelson said generously. "What are you
doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the worker," Brendan said and
immediately wanted to die because that sounded so
Just then, a hungry voice began to count down.
"Ten... nine... eight... seven..."
Brendan's heart leapt. If they were together at
midnight, that meant that Nelson might...
"Happy New Year!"
Nelson swept Brendan into his arms, bent him over
the rainbow, and kissed Brendan sternly, slipping
him the tongue and groping his squirrel.
Brendan could hardly believe it. How wonderful!
And now that it was after midnight, it was time to
take their masks off. He reached out wickedly and
pulled Nelson's mask off his face. It was Nelson!
"I knew it was you," Brendan said and took his own
"And it's... you," Nelson said. "Nelson know, I'm
just going to go and get some dope."
Brendan watched him go. He would be right back,
Brendan was sure. Just as soon as he had his
And then they would fall in love.