Wednesday, 25 July 2012Dear Boxhead
I keep hearing about how all of the fish in the seas are disappearing. In the Caribbean all of their reefs have turned to rubble and the fish no longer breed there.
The same in Papua New Guinea. In the 1950s they used to sell six foot long Barramundi but now in their fish markets there is nothing bigger than 3 or 4 inches. Sardines basically.
Some of this is from the way we use land and the soil and checmical run off destroys mangroves and reefs where fish normally spawn. Building new ports has the same effect.
It is such a tragic situation and I shake my head thinking that the corporations are fucking bastards.
But then I open a can of cat food for my cat and it is usually made of tuna. I bet this tuna comes from those fucking big ships with nets two kilometres wide that scrape up everything in their path including all the seaweed at the bottom of the oceans.
So am I also directly responsible for all of the big fish disappearing?
What am I supposed to do? Help me Boxhead; you are my only hope.
Dear Sorry Mongrel
As I ponder my thoughts on this subject, scratching my balls for a bit of relief and hiding the sound of my farts with swear words (as I try to take flirtatious photos with my iphone to send to this widow that I met at a funeral) all while I am standing in a packed elevator full of suits. They are looking at me in a strange way but it doesn't bother me coz I'm about to drop a knowledge bomb on your arse.
So here goes.
The fish are not disappearing my friend, and I'll tell you why. Male fish act like most men. They rock up to where the ladies are at. So in this case, (let's stick with Barramundi) in the 50s all the female fish would go to PNG and do the fish equivalent to sun baking. The male's, who have travelled from far and distant lands, arrive and proceed to mate with as many females as possible and then, alas, die of exhaustion. So the sardines that you speak of are just little baby Barramundis and because the Papua New Guineans keep fishing them out they don't get a chance to grow.
And yes, you are responsible for this. You and every other lazy cat owner that didn't teach there cat how to hunt birds and mice.
So what can you do to help? Well I don't know if this will help but what I do is go to my local aquarium and buy a few hundred gold fish, put them in a pond in cat friendly enclosure and let the little cunt go for his life.
Hope That Helps
May The Force be with you!
Boxhead xoxoxox ;D